The Notorious MOM

So I like rap. Not radio edit watered down rap, but hard core gangsta rap -west coast preferred.
I saw a buzzfeed list the other week that basically mirrored my struggle as a mom who loves the good stuff. I mean is it realllly that bad to roll through the drop off line bumping a little Pac or Dogg Pound?

See. I didn't think so either.

But I find myself turning the radio down when I pull in the parking lot. Even thought I really want to turn it way up. Maybe cuz I'm a thug..<--- a="" bad="" catch="" daddy="" did="" for="" it="" line.="" nbsp="" no.="" p="" s="" that="" too="" trick="" you.="" you="">
Via my personal facebook page, I realize that most of my friends who are moms share the similar dilemma. We are mere products of  early nineties rap music. And we love it!

And our kids will love it.

And when we have grandchildren, we will play 2Pac, Biggie, Snoop, Nas, Kendrick or JCole and say things like "See baby, THIS is when music was music.

And they will roll their eyes at us.

And will know we are telling the truth.

Hey, I'm back!

Hey, I know.
I'm a repeat blog neglecter. The last time I was on here, I had just celebrated my 30th birthday, buried my grandfather, and left my corporate gig.

2 days after that I started my own business.

3 years later, after some cool wins, a lot of great times and good stories later I logged back into this account.

In that time, the kid has grown up- my baby girl has begun to morph into this pre-tween thingy who listens to pop music, always has to have the last word, rolls her eyes, and likes to make sure her clothes are just right for school. Speaking of school, I joined PTA. And per usual, I did not just join, I became the president. Tons of stories there. Names will be changed to protect the annoying.

Oh and speaking of growing up- last week the kid lost a molar. A FREAKING MOLAR! In addition to this being totally disgusting, it was the first tooth that I've had to pull Yes, you heard me right...I have managed to not pull any teeth in 8 whole years until last week- and boy was it a doozie! I had to tug at it ARGHHHH!

Did I mention I pulled it with my bare hands caveman style? No? Oh yea, I did. Because I'm a boss!

Anyhow, I will start to write again. My life's adventures coming soon.

Until then,

Katy's Mom

It's been a long time....I shouldn't have left you

Without a dope beat to step to... that song was awesome!

Anyhow, once again I have been a bad blogger. So much has happened and I have failed to document it. Hmmm where do I begin???? Welp, for starters, the kid turned five and I threw a glorious Princess themed carnival to celebrate the occasion. So I guess I can tell you about that.

So it all started with me wanting to have a carnival party for her birthday and she wanting a Princess party. Clearly, this Nike and jeans mom is no girly girl so I was instantly repulsed by the girls obsession with all things pink, frilly, and made of sugar and spice. UGH. Anyhow, we compromised. And it was awesome.

Outside, I created 5 fairy tale themed carnival games. I then "hired" (read: convinced friends to volunteer) princesses to wo-man all the game booths.

My Royal Party Crew plus a few guests

• Princess Tiana manned a frog themed Plinko Game. 
• Snow White observed as guests used plastic apples to knock over coffee cans with the Wicked Stepmom's picture on them.
• Princess Ariel AKA The Little Mermaid stood nearby as guests played an octopus ring toss. 
• Shadow Man conned the guests into a game of roll the dice
• Esmeralda from the Hunchback of Notre Dame officiated a Princess themed bean bag toss game. 

Ariel fashioned by Muah

And then I decorated with pastel colored flags. The guests won tickets for playing  games then traded them at the Pocahontas prize table which was filled with baubles and candies.

I have really great friends. They all volunteered their Saturday to come do this for me. Thanks guys!

I also purchased a Princess back drop for pictures.

Tiana cake. Isn't she purty? 

Inside, The tables where decorated with balloon centerpieces and different color table cloths. There was a chocolate fountain with strawberries and pretzel sticks. The Princess Tiana cake topped a cupcake stand and was surrounded by home made cupcakes in polka dot cupcake holders. The Tiana cake was only for looks since the girl can't have corn. The cupcakes were corn syrup/corn starch free.

The prettiest princess of all was the girl. Here she is all glammed up, complete with faux earrings, for her party:

All in all the party was effin awesome in my unbiased opinion. What do you think?

So....I turned 30

Short version: I turned 30 last month and caught a cold the day after. I celebrated by throwing a huge elaborate shin dig last week. The week of my party, my grandfather, who I affectionately nicknamed Pepa (pronounced Pe-paw) died. The morning after the party I boarded a plane to Alabama for the funeral. I vomited the entire way there and back (Sorry folks- no babies here, just good ole' motion sickness). I still have a cold. The end.

Long Version: I turned 30 on February 2. I caught a cold on  February 9...I still have a cough and my dumb a** doctor simply says "It's going around". What does that even mean? I have been completely stressed out for the past 45 days. In addition to planning a party bigger than both my wedding and my 5 year vow renewal, my grandfather suffered from a stroke and a heart attack in January and passed away from complications 4 days before my party. This was a big blow for me and my family.  My mom is Pepa's only daughter and they were close.  Pepa was an awesome man. I can't even get into how effing awesome he was. So I won't even try. Just let me say this: Out of his 9 grandchildren he only knew my birthday...so of course he loved me the most. For real.

Anyhoo, immediately following my 30th birthday extravaganza, I boarded a flight to Alabama with no luggage. That's right, no luggage. Once I arrived in Mississippi, I went to Walmart (don't judge me) and bought a black dress and a black and white cardigan and made it work! The funeral was the following day. Let's fast forward past all that (too sad) until the end when they closed the casket and my kid yells...HEY WAIT I NEED TO SEE MY GREAT GRANDPA! Oh wait, let me not skip the fact that she had tissues stuffed in her "bra" in case she cried (her quote not mine). No, she does not wear a bra, she just tucked tissues down the front of her dress. She never cried. I used all her tissues.

The next two days were filled with food, family, and good times. I even found out my sweet little innocent baby cousin (who cares that she is 19 now) says bad words. Who knew... I thought I was the cusser in the family! Ok, I am. BUT she is coming along nicely :)

All in All, I had a great time visiting family. It's a great feeling to be able to introduce my daughter to great grandparents and show her where her great great grandparents lived, worked, attended school , and went to church. It helps me instill a since of heritage and pride in her.

If you ever have the opportunity to take your child to the birthplace of your parents and/or grandparents, do it. This was not Katy's first trip there and it will not be here last.

My Pepa's house

Me and my younger cousin

My "twin cousin" and I

She says Bad Words!

Two's a couple, Three's a family, and four......

Katy's Mom, Katy's Dad, Katy, and Imaginary Infant X

My kid wants a kid in the house.

Yup, that's what she said. Well, actually she said "Mommy please have a sister, I am lonely." She then followed with "Everyone is a big sister except for me." I successfully ignored the remarks for about 3 months ( or 3 years but who's counting). So now I say things like, "If we have a baby, you will have to give them some of your stuff" or  "Well if we have a baby you have to sleep in your own room." These arguments have been successful for the most part. I mean, I don't want to sound like a jerk. I know having siblings is beneficial. I have been fighting mine for about 28 years and it never gets old. I don't know what I would do without those idiots.  But look at that momma doll's hair. Do you know why it looks like that? Its that baby! That momma doll is STRESSED OUT! Not I said the cat ( I guess here I would be referring to myself, lol) Does anyone else own an only child who is itching for a sibling? What tricks have you used? What toys have you purchased to fill the void--Baby alive works well in our home? Let me know!

Smurfette and other Stereotyped Women of my Childhood

Today I ran across an article titled Ten Worst and Best Cartoon role models for Girls. While the article was mildly comedic, it was also thought provoking. Suddenly, I realized that the cartoons of my childhood, though awesomely hilarious, I now realize were also very sexist and demeaning.


Smurfette was a creation of Gargamel, you know, the bad guy.  He created her to basically cause discord amongst the male smurf community. And as you know, the entire smurf community was male. She was created with Sugar, spice and....a half pack of lies (everything nice was omitted to ensure optimal levels of evil). This evil smurfette had black wiry somewhat course hair and a big nose. so I guess she was ugly, however I will not even begin to go into that issue. Since the hell when is dark wiry hair ugly. During the cartoon she set the smurfs up twice, once on purpose and the other by mistake. Of course she made several mistakes, she 's a girl... Anyhow, Pap smurf decided to arrest her and she then received a trial. Her peers, because they were all in love with her, set her free and she begged to be a real smurf. And this my friend is when the magic happened. Papa Smurf allowed her to become a real smurf  by breaking her evil curse. Once the spell was broken, Smurfette's hair grew, became soft and golden blond, her nose shrank, her flats turned into heels and her white dress got some ruffles. This is how Smurfette was born.

Judy Jetson was a futuristic All-American teenager complete with a phone addiction, which I can say is a pretty realistic depiction of a high school girl. My issue with her, is that she had absolutely no goals. I can't recall a moment when she talked about passing a test, going to college, or what she wanted to do as an adult. Perhaps in the future girls won't have to worry about manly stuff like careers and education....

Cheetara from the Thundercats was absolutely amazing. She had superspeed and could see into the future and the past. Unfortunately both of her powers would tire her out to the point of sever fatigue that could last for days. Though I think she is amazing, I find it interesting that her weapon is a staff that grows to any length and shoots out white beams....

 Cover Girl from G.I. Joe. As her name suggests, this chick was a former super model. She joined the military because she became bored with her career. That's cool. My issue is that she pretty much dated every single Joe. Some may call that liberating. I call it nasty. We all know soldiers in combat don't bathe often. Can you say STD...

 I will end my rant with Daphne, the hot red headed girl, and Thelma, the not-so-hot-but-super-smart (and possibly a lesbian) girl. So Daphne was pretty and Fred really dug her. She was in constant need of protection, helpless, and not very bright. She was well dressed in her fitted purple top and purple mini skirt. Thelma was a freaking genius and no one cared. Her clothes were frumpy, her turtle neck was large and her skirt was knee length. Thelma's outfit looks like what I wear to work! Daphne often had guys in tow. Thelma not so much. I mean, think about it, who want a chick who can take care of her self...

If my list jogged your memory of any other cartoons that seem a little odd as an adult, please comment! Have a good day!

10 Things Not To Say to Your Childfree Friends

I read an article on Yahoo! and thought it was pretty awesome. I think I am most guilty of #8. Which are you most guilty of? Let me know in the Comments section.

Here is an excerpt of the article below...

I've learned a few things about how to keep friendships strong when you don't have parenthood in common. Here are 10 things not to say to your friends who don't have children.

1. "When will you finally have kids?"
Once you have offspring, you want your friends to share the experience. But please don't loudly ask this question across the table at Thanksgiving dinner or at a baby shower. Although many people are happy to be childfree or waiting, the situation may be more complicated. A friend could be facing infertility, in the agonizing position of having a spouse who doesn't want children, or otherwise in a complex struggle over the issue. Bring it up privately with close friends, or wait for them to share with you.

2. "We always wanted to have a family."
If you use the expression "have a family" to mean "have children," you inadvertently send a message that people without kids are... family-less. Family comes in many forms: significant others, parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, neighbors -- happily, the list goes on!

3. "I only invited other parents."
Having children is the norm, and people who are childfree can sometimes feel isolated or excluded. So invite us to birthday parties! Sure, there are some people who just don't like kids and have no desire to spend an afternoon surrounded by them. They can decline the invitation, and the rest of us will cheer when the birthday boy takes his first bite of cupcake.

4. "Are you hung-over?"
If you had kids when you were on the younger side, you may have transitioned abruptly from staying out bar-hopping to night feedings and Yo Gabba Gabba -- and years later, you may assume that we're still acting like our crazy twentysomething selves. But just because we don't have kids doesn't mean we aren't growing up.

5. "You're so lucky you get to sleep in/shop/travel."
We understand that you give up a lot to be the amazing parent you are -- and we do appreciate our extra cash and free time, and god, yes, the sleep. But too many offhand comments like this make us feel like you assume the reason we don't have children is that we're lazy, selfish, or shallow. The decision is never that simple.

6. "This must be birth control for you."
Parents often make this joke when their kid is being loud or persistent, and we understand it's because you're worried the situation is bugging the hell out of everyone around you. Don't stress -- a good friend understands that your kid is going to have a meltdown once in a while. We can take it. And, of course, a crying toddler is not actually a tipping point in our decision to have kids. We're not that shortsighted.

7. "Your dog/cat/parakeet is your baby."
Pets are a huge part of many people's lives, whether or not those people have children. But it feels like a consolation prize when you put it like this. That said, ask about my cat; I'm happy to pull up my latest photo of her adorableness.

8. "I can't die; I'm a mom."
During a recent brief terrorism scare in New York City, a friend said to me, "I have to get out -- I can't die; I'm a mom." We know you have someone depending on you in an unprecedented way, but there are people who love and depend on us, too.

9. "I'm sorry it's taken forever for me to call/email/text you back."
Don't start every correspondence with an apology. Your life is insane and letting us know you want to make time for us is appreciated. But don't stress so much: My life is busy too, and more often than not, I didn't even notice a lag.

10. "You wouldn't understand."
We know there are many things about parenting you will turn to your mom friends to talk about. And, honestly, with anyone other than a close friend, that's probably best -- I lose interest fast when someone I don't know well talks too much about their kids. But when we're real friends, don't let our relationship fade because you're afraid of boring us with parenting stuff. Just like we used to listen to you talk about your ex, we want to hear about what's important in your life now. And we hope you'll do the same for us.