Friday, February 25, 2011

Katy's Mom is so Fat...

And yes, by Katy's mom, I mean me.

So, in my efforts to attempt being a responsible adult, I applied for life insurance. The thought was that if anything ever happens to me or the Husband, the kid would be financially taken care of (for a while at least). So, we jumped through the usual hoops (physical, blood test, paying money) and left it at that.

Then BAM!!!! DENIAL. In the mail yesterday I received a letter telling me after long consideration, I was denied because of my stature. To me the letter looked like this:

So, what does that mean you may ask. It means I am too fat for life insurance. It means I am at high risk of dying before I pay off a policy so I am not a good gamble for the company. And I think that sucks. My physical came back fine. I am overall and apparently surprising healthy for my "stature" which is short and fat in case you were wondering. Yes I am over weight, but I have never fit into the dang height weight chart.

 And I think it sucks that I can't insure my spouse because I am fat. Confusion.

I want to blame this on pregnancy, I really really do. But the truth is I gained this weight after I had the kid. So maybe mommyhood did it. Or better yet...

TV! Yeah that's right! I blame TV. It is the root of all evil. OK maybe not. But it made me happy when I typed it.

So I have said all of this to say that maybe I need to lose a pound or 80 so I can be around for my kid as she grows up. It is either lose weight or get taller. I am accepting tips for both. Help a sistah out!

Monday, February 21, 2011

It's official~ I have given my child a complex!

I guess that isn't that great of a title, but that's exactly what has happened.
In my efforts to teach the child to be leery of strangers, I have helped her develop kidnapophobia.

So maybe I made that term up, but I bet you know what I mean.

This morning she woke up and the first thing she said is "Mom what will you do if I get kidnapped."
I answered honestly: "Go to prison." Bad answer yes...honest also yes.

Anyway, I then tried to calm the situation by telling her my job as her mom is to protect her and not to worry.

So of course, because my kid is some sort of genius, she then asks me how do I plan to protect her when she starts school....

Why would she ask me something like that? I am wondering the same thing. I put on my best poker face and gave her the best "teachers are our friends" speech that I could come up with.

I hope I was convincing.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Your Baby CAN read!

But mine can't. I mean not even a single letter word.
So does this make me a bad parent? Probably so. But hey I am trying.

She has the $300 complete Your baby Can Read DVD collection., EVERY single Dr. Seuss book, and I even bought her word puzzles. The kid just has no interest in reading. She says it all the time. For some reason I thought she would naturally be a genius like her mom (yes me). Instead, she is "creative" like her dad. I am at a loss. I can't even read a book to her because she always wants to close the book and make up a new story...WHAT KIND OF STUFF IS THAT?

I am more of a 2+2=4 type of person. She is more of a 2+2 MAY equal 4 but it COULD be something more.
I guess it isn't such a bad thing. She is very inquisitive. I just want her to be more interested in the basics, the foundation, the real stuff.

I guess I have to understand that we are different. And different isn't bad...just different.
With that said, anybody want an almost new copy of Your Baby Can read?

Friday, February 4, 2011

Kids Getting High Using 'Bath Salts'

That was the headline Washington Post. My immediate reaction: What the F*&k (excuse my language, but that is really what I thought)

Teens are getting high on bath salts…c’mon really? Ok so I had to read a little further.
Apparently, there is some new designer drug called mephedrone, which is  a synthetic drug often touted as a legal alternative to amphetamine or cocaine. Currently it is legal in the US because is it not marketed as something for human consumption. The problem- as with all these “non drug” drugs- is that the kids consume them, and then turn crazy.

So of course we will ban them in time. But in the meanwhile, I had to warn you teens, parents of teens, teens parents, and people in general who are trying to save the world one kid at a time.If your kid gets a package in the mail of bath salts... throw it away! Make them take a bubble bath with regular dish soap.

As for me, my kid won’t be going anywhere until I rid the world of harm. FYI- anywhere includes school, church, work (maybe I should rethink work- she owes me money), etc.