Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas shopping...on Christmas Eve

There are some things that I do that I feel are totally ingenious. Other things, not so much. And though these not-so-bright moments occur rarely in my life, sometimes I do things that are inexplicably insane. One of these outrageously dumb habits that I have developed is doing my Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve.

I know, it's crazy.

But every year, for some strange reason, I never get my shopping done in time. Now, the simple explanation would be that I become completely overwhelmed and busy with working, mommying, and wifing. But the truth is, I have been doing this prior to the birth of my daughter. I have been doing this for years. I think something is wrong with my brain. I mean really, who does this? It's like self induced punishment.

Apparently millions.

According to and article by CBS News, some 23 million people have the same problem as I.

At least I can find comfort in the fact that I am not the only one with this condition.

Do any of you have this problem, or all of you super organized shop in advance shoppers?

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Internet overexposure

How many of you post countless photos of your children online....Ok, I know I am not the only person who does it. I now question if I should. My first thought is: Why the hell not? But my immediate reaction gave way to an immediate reaction. Is my life too open?  Is facebook even real (ok, maybe I took it too far lol)

I know several young families who have opted no to post photos of their children saying "Hey if you want to meet the kid, come visit." I agree, this idea seems awesome, but what about family who does not live nearby? Facebook has changed my family perspective immensely. Family I have not known or seen in years now can see my child and call her name as if they have met, and I love that! But again I question, is this good?

As a society, have we allowed social media and the internet age to take over our lives and our parenting? Have we become internet addicts?

My personal facebook is saturated with photos of my child. As a parent, I think ever freaking picture she takes is gorgeous and everyone needs to see it. Perhaps that is not the case. Or maybe it is. Personal moments between she and I are shared in 200 character statuses with the world. My mommy friends think its awesome. My other friends don't comment.

Do you use social media to share photos and update family members (or the whole world as we know it)? Do you use it to get cyber support when facing tough parenting times? Do you update your status whenever your child does something sweet, funny, or menacing? Do you ever use it to help solve tough parenting issue like potty training or picky eaterness ( I know that isn't a word, but you know what I mean)? Do you weigh in with parenting advice for those who ask? (You know I do!). Let a sistah know!

It's the most wonderful time of the year

Or is it?

I am so completely overwhelmed and unprepared this Christmas season. I have only purchased one of the fifteen (yes fifteen) gifts that my daughter has requested...or demanded...whichever you prefer to read. She has even gone as far as to begin to throw out and "get rid of" toys from last year to make room for this year's inventory. Little does she know, all she has under the tree is a Pillow Pets Lady Bug Decorative Pillow - Red and a Disney Princess Toddler Doll - Tiana. She also wants a freaking kitchen with a coffee maker. SHE ALREADY HAS A KITCHEN!!! And it is huge, but it doesn't have a coffee maker. I feel like a jerk cheapskate, but I have a very strong mind to buy a toy coffee pot and super glue the base to her kitchen. Is that wrong?

It's not that I don't have the Christmas spirit.

It's more like I don't have the consumer spirit. We are in a recession for goodness sakes. No one should be expecting 15 gifts. Maybe this is all my fault. Maybe I have not told my 3 year old that we are in a recession. Or maybe it is Nick Jr.'s fault for airing all of these freaking commercials. STOP IT NICK JR.!!! You are ruining my bank account. I am trying to save for a rainy day ( or a sunny one at the beach).

I have a job. I also have a commute.

Which means my shopping time is almost nonexistent. I don't have time to go to stores and price compare. I have waited too long to purchase online. Who invented Christmas anyway? Ok well, not like that. I mean I know we are celebrating the birth of Christ, but why must we buy all of these gifts? Why can't families come together and be merry sans the thousand dollar gift giving ritual. I think that's what I want to do. I think each person should receive one gift PERIOD and then hug the whole family. We can then save the money for a family camping/fishing trip.

I'm over it all. Who's going to join me at the lake?

Friday, December 10, 2010

I've been hit. And I am hurt.

I was just hit in the head with a flashlight. To be exact, I was hit in the head with a battery operated, clip-on book light. Oh and did it hurt!
You probably are reading this trying to figure out what happened. I guess I owe you the story. Ok, here it is:

It all started with Katy (my 3 yr old) jumping on the sofa chair. I told her to stop. She refused. So I told her, "Hey if you fall I will not take you to the ER tonight. I am too tired." She said, "that's fine. I don't like the hospital anyways Mommy."

Yes, she is a jerk.

Anyhow, she tried to jump our of the chair. Instead of catching her I pushed her back in the chair (in a totally loving caring non child abusing fashion). She then proclaimed that she was placing me under arrest.
Anyone who knows anything about me know I am not one to go to jail, pretend or not.

So I ran.

I ran down the hall  and into the kitchen, then around my husband, then doubled back to the bedroom, also known as the scene of the crime or the sight of where police brutality occurred, if you will. That's the where I was when I was hit in the head with a flashlight.

So the three of us were in the room. The husband decided he was her side- the side of the law. He tried to arrest me. There was a scuffle. I won. He left. Then there were two.

Her: Mom, there is nobody in here. Are you going to try to break my neck?

Me: Blank stare (kind of crazy looking. I was trying to scare her)

Her: Piercing scream. desk light thrown

Me: holding my head sitting in the closet. I'd been hit. I guess my stare worked.

Maybe I should have just gone to jail

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Being Tired

All moms are always tired all of the time.

That is fact, not an opinion. There are a few million blogs and articles devoted to time management and creating balance for working moms. I believe I have read every single one and based on my research I have arrived at this conclusion:

LIES! They are all liars! There is no real way to balance being some one's mom, wife, daughter, friend, and awesome employee. You can make all the lists and set all of the alarms you want, but at the end of the day, you will still have to come home from work, cook dinner, talk on the phone to a pal, and muster up enough energy to carry on small talk with your spouse while playing tag with your kid.

To me it seems that once you have a child, a good night's sleep disintegrates from 8-15 hours (college was great) to 4-6 hours. I also think it is quite rude that growing up means sleeping 6 hours and actually DOING stuff for the other 18 hours of the day. What happened to nap time? Down time? Chill time? Me time?

Me time?

Who is Me? What's my name again?

Oh, that's right...I am Katy's Mom.

I'm the chick in charge of a person's whole entire life. And in addition to taking care of my husband, I also have to raise a kid. Ha ha ha Get it?

As I sit here writing this, I am also watching Wonder Pets with my daughter. My eyes are burning and are probably bloodshot. I have not yet eaten, but I cooked an excellent meal.

Doesn't this look fun?

I have a friend, Kela, who has insomnia. I joke and say I have caught it from her as if it is contagious. She is a working mom too. Maybe it really is contagious....

Black Friday

I shopped until I dropped. Ok, not really. I tried but was quickly conquered by the masses.
You see, this marked my first attempt at Black Friday shopping. I had done my research, saved my money and gift cards, and planned my outfit. I was ready.

Or so I thought.

The plan was simple. My local Walmart had advertised 42in Emerson tvs for $399 or something. I have amassed about $320 in gift cards, so this was a go. Ok, back to the plan. I got up at 4:45 and was at WalMart by 5am. I got there only to realize that My Walmart  had distributed wristbands at MIDNIGHT. NO wristband = NO TV.

I left the stored head bloody but unbowed.

After this defeat, I went home and took a nap. When I awoke, I decided to check out online deals. Guess what? My TV was on for the SAME PRICE and it was SOLD OUT! Wait, why did I just use an exclamation point? That was horrible news.

Well, the moral of my story is this. Black Friday shopping sucks! There is no reason to even wake up that early on a day off from work. I got my tv. I paid slightly more for a better quality television than what was on sale. I am happy.

FYI, Macy's has been having a helluva a sale since then and I have had a great time shopping online. I pretty much have a problem. I am out of money and haven't bought anything for my child. I hope Santa comes through this year.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Katy v Santa 2010

So far I have purchased 2 Christmas gifts for my daughter. Both were purchased on Black Friday and placed under the tree on Saturday. Yes, my tree is already up- don't judge me. Of course, Katy was surprised and excited about the gifts under the tree and asked how they got there. My mom explained to her that Santa had stopped by and dropped them off and would be back to drop off more.

Of course this initiated a million questions.

My daughter, though she was very pleased about the gifts, was very disturbed that Santa came in our home while we were asleep and did not knock on the door. She asked why didn't he knock, why didn't he wake her, how did he get in our home, etc.

I answered them all the best I could, which was difficult for me as I never expected her to believe in Santa. I never even wanted her to think someone else came in our home to bring gifts. Thanks Grandma :) I guess I could also thank Nick Jr since Santa seems to be all over that channel these days.

Anyhow, I wanted to do a little shopping and catch some sales on Saturday so we headed to the mall.

Guess who was there?

You got it. Santa.

Live and in the flesh. Mr. Claus was at the mall taking visits and posing for pictures with the kids, and Katy HAD to go talk to him. He never seen it coming!

As we waited in line, my 3 year old went over what she planned to say. She wanted to ask him why he came into our home and why he gave the gifts to Grandma to put under the tree.

So after waiting for about 15-20 minutes it was finally our turn. Katy walked up to Santa complete with hand on hip and said hello. He picked her up and she launched into her barrage of questions. Of course, since my baby is only 3, I had to work as a translator for her half -English / half-gibberish rant. Surprisingly, Santa went along with it and explained why he was in our house. He even asked her to tell him what else she wanted so that he could bring it by for Christmas. He then offered her a candy cane. Friends at last. They took a picture.

I am glad everything worked out. Last time she met Santa this happened:

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Parenting Conference

I presented at a Parents' Conference on my anniversary. I learned a lot of things, I think. I learned that children get worse before they get better. I learned that it is very possible that one day I could look up and have no idea who my child is. I learned that at some point in her little life, my daughter is going to value everyone's opinion except for mine. I learned that most people get into this whole parenting gig without having a clue.

The parent conference sucked.
Who the heck wants to hear that?

After all of this time I have put into teaching my 3yr old the basics: how to pee in the toilet, feed herself, and look while running to avoid crashing into walls, my child may grow up to think I am an idiot.
So what did I take away from this experience?
After listening to countless good-parent testimonials I have learned:

Buying your child too much or too little will scar them for life.
TV is bad for kids and teens, good for toddlers (phew!)
Stalking your child is necessary to ensure proper education in the public school sector.
Teenagers need to eat more than any other species.
If given the opportunity, teenagers will revolt.
Scantily clad teenage girls grow up to experience sciatica and arthritic pain (this was really said).
These same scantily clad girls are the reason boys can't concentrate in class.

Hopefully, I can put this information to use.

Anybody else have any parenting tips for me? I may have to write a book about it.

Half Showers

Have you ever tried it? Have you even heard of one?
A half shower is the best thing since sliced bread...or shredded cheese, whichever you prefer.

Some background:
I woke up extremely late this morning, and by extremely, I mean I woke up 15 minutes before it was time for me to embark on my 2 hour commute to work. This late awakening was in part due to the fact that I stayed up WAAAAY past my bed time playing Def Jam Rapstar on the Xbox.  I failed to shower the night before (TMI, yes but oh well) so I had to get it done this morning.

Problem #1- I wake up very cold.
Yeah, so each morning I wake up freezing. It's bad. I even do it in the summer. Anyhow, a cold person not fair well in the morning shower arena.

Solution to Problem #1- Half shower
To solve my freezing cold in need of a morning shower problem, Krissy M. the Super Genius, created the half shower. In simple terms, I showered with my top on! Yes, I showered half dressed and it was great. See the key to half showering is to try not to get your arms wet which in turns reduce the rate of freezing-to-deathedness... Some of you may think this was gross. I think it was ingenious.

Don't judge me.

By the way, I left the house on time. I realized in the car I had not brushed my teeth.